Now ends an era

I have been debating for a few days on whether or not I wanted to write this post. Because there is so much emotion that goes into this post. Clearly I have decided to post it anyways. My reasoning is because when I started this blog I set out to allow my good and bad times help guide someone else who may be experiencing the same thing. So here is a very raw and real post....

Therapy, for anyone who knows me knows that therapy has been my life for the past 5 years. I have dedicated 2-3 days a week for the past 5 years (and one month) to drive to Detroit to go to the Center for Spinal Cord Injury Recovery. Each session lasting for 3 hours. This place has been a sanctuary for me, a place that is safe. There are others like me who I can joke, vent, and just relate to on a level that anyone who isn't in this situation can. I remember some of my first days at the CSCIR, it was heaven. Meeting people who just saw me, they didn't see my chair. They didn't see me as the poor little girl who got in that car accident. They saw Stevie Beale a scared 18 year old who is funny, bright, and so much to still live for. It was there that I finally realized that I could have a LIFE after being paralyzed. A career, marriage, children, and happiness where all still possible for me. In the beginning I had no idea just how much the facility was going to help guide my path to independence. Over the years I have worked my ass off setting goals and achieving them. I have shed sweat, tears, and luckily very little blood there. I owe this place so much and the staff will always hold a special place in my heart.

This is one of my favorites.

All that being said, I am hurting right now because I was told last Friday that I was no longer able to come to the program anymore. It was soul crashing news, the staff and patients have become my family. It all started about a year ago when my PT let me know that I wasn't making progress and if I didn't start then I wasn't going to qualify for the program anymore. This news came from left field because at that time I had been at the program for over 4 years and in all that time no one had ever told me you had to qualify for the program. I let her know that I still had a goal of walking down the aisle to achieve. And since I am not engaged I obviously don't when that will be. So she told me I had to begin working harder on my walking if I wanted to continue in the program. I agreed to work with my braces more but still feeling extremely betrayed. It has been tough for me this year knowing that every time I came I was being watched and judged that if I didn't make the progress then I had to go and nothing would have been more devastating to me. It has also been a tough year with family issues and I seem to have caught every illness that has gone around. But I tried and worked on my walking. Now you have to understand that walking with leg braces is the most frustrating thing in the world. At least for me it is. I am tight in all the wrong places and it is such a struggle just to walk a few feet. I can only take so much before I am so overwhelmed with emotion that I just want to crawl in a hole forever. In the end my hard work wasn't enough and I didn't make the progress I was supposed to. So I sit here tonight, confused on why it has happened and where to go from here. I can't not do therapy but at the same time the next closest place I would consider going is a 2 hour drive one way. I could workout at home with a trainer but I don't have the space. I am just so sad I want to stay there, I want to be there but they say they aren't a maintenance program and that is (according to them) what I need. My insurance is willing to continue to pay for me to be there and they have open spaces so I just don't see why I had to go, why I was forced to leave a place I love so much. But I guess that is life and I will just have to pick myself up once a again and carry on.

Now I know some will read this and think negative things about the program but please don't. I still love them and would recommend them to anyone with a spinal cord injury who needs a good place for therapy. I am just being open and honest with the hardships that I still continue to experience.

Courage Award

WOW, these past 2 weeks have been hectic to say the least. So lets get on it and update you guys on this thing I call life.

So on March 8th most of you know I was honored (among other amazing people) at the Heart of Champions Gala put on by the Rehabilitation Institute of Michigan. It is a fund raiser for the hospital they put on every year. I had attended it once a few years ago, not receiving and award just supporting a hospital that has given me so much. Anyways this was a crazy day because the night before I had just gotten home from driving 16 hours in one day. We arrived home at 1:30am and I was exhausted but naturally couldn't sleep to save my life that night. Back to the day of, I did the girl stuff you do on days you are going to a formal event. Bought my shoes, make up, and nail polish last minute, got my hair did and waxed the furry things I call eye brows. Once I was all prettied up, my momma was looking HOTT, and Jman was looking like a dapper gentleman we were off to the Fox Theatre. That meant yet another hour in the car just to get there, ugh. But we arrived in one piece ready for a great night.

Now I should take this time to express one of the biggest battles I face when getting dressed up. Shoes. It is a severe love hate relationship with me and shoes. I see shoes all the time I LOVE and wish I could own but because of my contracture type thing on my right ankle, meaning my right foot is constantly pointing down and the ankle rolls. So when buying shoes I have to take this into consideration. That being said I have a weakness for heels, I just love them and since being paralyzed I haven't found one pair that work for me. They fall off my foot plate, cause both ankles to roll and look like they are about to snap, and instantly cause my knees to act like repelling magnates, but I continue to buy them. Needless to say I had this problem with the banging heels I bought for the gala. Hopefully someday I/someone will make a foot plate that will make all these problems disappear and give heels back to all wheelchair girls.

Back to the gala we arrived I had some shoe problems of course and had to tie my legs together with rope (something I always do when wearing a skirt/dress with heels, don't want to give anyone the money shot for free). Some of my trainers where there along with all kinds of important hospital people. Began to eat and wow the food was great! I couldn't stuff my face though because I was getting ready to go on stage and can't have a bloated belly on stage. We went back stage to await receiving our awards. I actually enjoyed the backstage part a lot because I got a chance to chat with Brendan (a detroit firefighter paralyzed on duty, also receiving the courage award). I hadn't had the chance to chat with him much at therapy and I always love getting to know other patients, we have such amazing stories that I love hearing. They showed my video, made fun of me for being a Buckeye fan and then presented me with the award. I took the time to thank my therapists for all they have done and how much love I have for the program/hospital. Finished the night with some yummy dessert and then made the long trip back.

The night flew by way too fast. I completely enjoyed myself and felt so honored to be recognized for living a life I love living so much. Thank you DMC.

The shoes were behaving here.

Brendan receiving his award

FLORIDA!!!!!

Oh my my my, it has been a very long time since my last post. I am so disappointed in myself that I have let that much time pass. Anyways I hope you can all forgive me and enjoy this post. So the past few weeks have been a whirl wind of days. Between trying to keep up on school work, preparing for the pageant, getting ready for florida, preparing for the DMC Gala, and fighting a bit of depression I have barely found time to waste on pinterest.


I'll start with the Florida trip. Goodness it was a much needed vacation to the sunshine. The original plan was to drive down for a week and visit the boyfriend's brother as well as soaking up some sun but since I was picked to receive the Courage Award we had to cut the trip short, which we didn't mind. So instead we decided to just go for 5 days. As some know we left Friday in the middle of the worst tornado weather in years. Yep we drove right through Kentucky when the worst of it was going through. I was terrified and not doing a good job at hiding it lol. We actually did have a casualty, the temp tag on my van was sucked right off. We drove the whole trip with not license plate and not once did we get pulled over, thank you Jesus. After driving 8 hours in storms and pitch black highways we called it a night just outside Knoxville. Woke up late the next morning, set my alarm for PM not AM. Smooth I know. The next day we spent 8 more hours on the road driving through down pours of rain with probably less than a 1/2 mile of visibility. That was loads of fun. But alas we arrived in the sunshine state and it was 84 degrees :) We met Jared's brother and his girlfriend in St. Augustine for the haunted pub crawl. Got to the hotel room for the night and all I wanted to do was shower but we quickly found out that the shower would have to wait because they had to locate a shower chair and it was a bath tub. I didn't say anything there because we were there for just one night, plus I hadn't taken a bath in years. We headed down to the haunted pub crawl grabbed some dinner and then went ghost hunting. At first I wasn't on board with the ghost deal at all but I was wrong. I actually had so much fun, the guide did an amazing job making sure everything was accessible and that I was getting the same experience as the whole group. The next morning we headed up to Jacksonville and checked into our hotel. And this is where the real fun started. We checked in at the front desk she gave us our rooms and we headed up to check things out. Jared quickly informed me they gave us the standard Handicap accessible room instead of the Wheelchair accessible room. To most the difference doesn't matter but being in a chair I clearly need the wheelchair accessible room. Basically the only difference is the bathroom, a wheelchair accessible room has a roll in shower with a shower bench and hand held shower head. Or at least they are supposed to. So I went back down to the front desk informed the girl I reserved a wheelchair accessible room and that wasn't what she gave me. I told her I needed the roll in shower, the bench, and the hand held shower head. She checked the next room and informed me they didn't have any rooms with the hand held shower head. We decided to take the room and I would just have to figure it out. I asked the girl to bring the shower bench because once again I needed to shower ASAP and that I would like to speak with her boss. The front desk girl called and told me that they didn't own a shower bench and her boss told her to ask me if a lawn chair would work? At this point I was furious because you will never know how frustrating it is to constantly be told something is wheelchair accessible and it isn't. Not to mention I for once want to go somewhere and not have the constant smack in the face of "oh hey you are in a wheelchair and life is difficult". It would be lovely to not have to deal with that for once. Anyways Jared spoke to the owner ( because I was about to cry and didn't want to talk to him) and he tried to tell us he was in complete compliance. Which he wasn't I spoke with an attorney and he confirmed my thought. The boss was a total ASS just arrogant and could careless about the inconvenience I was experiencing. Eventually they found a shower bench somewhere and came to their senses and put a temporary hand held shower head in. It wasn't the best but better than what I started with. But at no point did we ever get an apology or any compensation for our frustration. So in all don't ever stay at the Four Points Hotel in Jacksonville. After that mess, we got on with our vacation. The next day we decided to do tourist stuff. We hit up the outlet malls, went to Harry's Seafood bar and grill back in St. Augustine (sooo yummy) and then just walked around the downtown area of St. Augustine. It isn't the most accessible town but it is the oldest city in the US, so I guess it can slide. It was so nice to be outside in short sleeves and having the sunshine beat down on me.

The Castillo de San Marcos

View from the gun deck

We decided to hit the Castillo de San Marcos, an old spanish fort. I also found out that by being disabled I get free access to all federally owned sites. That was very cool. So we went in looked around and tried to find an elevator so I could go the gun deck..... but guess what there isn't one. Figures the one part of the whole fort I wanted to go to, isn't accessible. But having the most amazing boyfriend that I do, he looked his other brother who drove down with us and said lets take her up. Jared is always hell bent on making sure I get to experience everything everyone else does, it is part of what makes me love him so much. I never feel like a burden or like I am missing out with him being around. Back to the story, they carried me up and boy I was so happy they did. The site was breath taking, looking out to the atlantic ocean. Just gorgeous. 






Later that night we hit up the bar, cut loose and had to sleep in the next day. Jared and I have a thing we always like to do when going on vacation, we like to hit up any restaurant that have been on Man vs Food or Diners, Drive ins, and Dives. So we found the Metro Diner, which we tried to go there the first day but the wait was over an hour, but this time we sat right down. Oh my was this food good. I had a burger and it was probably the best I've ever had! After stuffing our faces off to the beach we went. We drove for about 5 minutes looking for a guard shack to get a beach wheelchair. Yet another thing most don't know, wheelchairs can't wheel through sand. They have special chairs that all beaches are required to provide for those who need it. Finally we found a guard shack Jared went in asked for the chair and it was broken. And the next closest one was over a half hour away. Well that totally figured with how the trip was going. We parked and once again awesome boyfriend mode kicked in, he and his brother carried me out to the hard sand (where I can wheel around). So as they were carrying me out we passed a group of grown men standing and talking. As we passed one of the guys said very loudly, "That's one thing I don't miss, wheelchairs." We kept walking but I just felt like screaming are you serious idiot? What would possess someone to say that in front of me? People can be so rude and annoying sometimes. Finally made it to the beach and it was wonderful.. I could have sat there all day and watched the water. 

We stayed for a few hours then drove back down to St. Augustine to hit up the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum. We ended our last night there with dinner with Justin and went to bed early because we were doing the 16 hour drive in one day because of the Gala. It was a long drive home and the last 2 hours were the hardest. But we made it and I had so much fun. Also I wish it could have lasted longer. 


Wow this is long! And probably pretty boring, but I want you all to walk away with realizing that when things aren't accessible that it really does affect us. I wish business owners would understand that just because they are or may think the are ADA compliant it the effort to go above and beyond to make sure your establishment is really convenient for those who use wheelchairs can make all the difference in our day and the likeliness we will come back.