Okay so clearly there has been a lot going on in my life. I will do a quick update on the Dr. Drew show. I planned to write a blog all about the trip but today I had an experience that I would much rather blog about. Anyways I still don't know the date the show will air. I had an amazing time. Everyone involved was so kind and made the whole experience simply perfect. I had loads of fun spending some quality time with my dad in such perfect weather. And yes ladies Dr. Drew is just as beautiful in person and even kinder than you can imagine. Quick story, I was trying to take a picture with him but he had to do an interview and after he finished he sent a producer back to my dressing room to get me because he wanted to make sure I got all the pictures I wanted with him. Don't know many celebrities that take that kind of time out of their busy day just to make my day. As soon as I know the date of the show I will let everyone know, but you should definitely tune in on September 19 @ 3:00pm on the CW for the premiere of Life Changers with Dr. Drew. I know it is going to be a fantastic show.
Now to my day. So not many people know but right after I was released from the hospital I began to nurse myself off of all medications because I didn't like the fog and emotional mess they made me. Pretty much since 6 months post injury I have been medication free, minus the occasional anti-biotic for the lovely UTIs that pop up from time to time (another wonderful perk of being paralyzed). Fast forward to January of this year I had to get a bone density test just to get a base line because I haven't had one ever and we were just curious what the results would be. Having zero concern about the possibility of a negative out come, since I have been in physical therapy and extremely active the entire time I have been injured. Well a month later the results came in and I got horrible news. My scores were .3 points away from being to brittle for me to even go to physical therapy anymore because such a high risk of fracture and I was way under the minimum score for osteoporosis. It was a blow that came out of left field and none of me was ready for this. I was crushed because I knew that 1. I would have to be put on some sort of medication, that I didn't want to be on 2. I have worked so hard to keep my body in good shape, yet it felt like all this work was for nothing. I cried for days about it and felt like everything I thought I knew was wrong. I had to make an appointment with a specialist to find out what plan of attack we were going to do. By the time the appointment came around I had come to terms with the idea of having to be put on a boniva or some equivalent oral daily pill.
I guess I should probably let those of you who don't know, but bone density is a big issue for us paralyzed folk. In order to build strong bones a person needs to lift weights, stand, walk, or run. The stress from standing and such promotes regeneration of more bone cells. Thus making stronger bones. Stating the obvious not being able to stand, walk, or run presses a huge issue of the bones becoming brittle, making fracture a very real risk if I was ever to fall or even transfer in the wrong way. In all this is a very scary problem to have because if I were to break a femur I don't just get a cast, they usually do surgery and place rods to stabilize the broken bone. Which I want to avoid surgery or any new hardware in my body in every way I can.
Alright back to the appointment, the doctor I had my appointment with was so shocked that my scores were so low that he decided to call in another doctor who was even more specialized than he was.
A new doc came in who had a lot of experience with bone density and immobile people as they kept saying. This is where I was hit with another blow out of no where. The doctor told me he was very concerned with how low my scores were and we needed to be aggressive with the treatment. Meaning that he wanted to put me on a DAILY injection for the next TWO years. Yet again I felt crushed, why did this have to be so bad? Why did it have to be such an issue? After a few months of fighting with insurance companies, we finally had the FORTEO ordered.
Fast forward to last Saturday I finally started the injections. The doctor warned me that I should start the injection on a weekend were I didn't have anything to do because it may have some strong side effects. Boy was he right. The first and second days weren't bad I was a little nauseous and very tired but Monday is when it really hit me. I could barely eat, I felt like every bit of energy was sucked from my body and after I ate dinner I vomited. Woke up again this morning did my shot and felt the same way but today I had to go to school. I couldn't eat all day, dry heaved and just felt like crap.
All of this leading to me having a big pity party for myself today. I just feel so overwhelmed and disappointed that this is where my life is. I have been through so much, I can't understand why I am faced with this. My life is so hard day to day the last thing I need is this. I know this may be over reacting a bit but I am tired of constantly having to deal with complications of a position that other people put me in 5 years ago, while they are walking free of any kind of daily reminder. This pain is strong it feels like it is sucking every bit of life out of me. It is so frustrating to think about the possibility of these side effects lasting for 2 years. Sometimes I close my eyes and just hope that when I open them all of this was just a dream. But of course I open them and I am still living this roller coaster of a life . Hopefully some day the peaks and valleys will become more mild allowing me to feel like less of a crazy person and more like the life I want to live.
I guess the point of all of this is to show everyone that even though it seems like my life is headed in amazing places and I should be feeling on top of the world right. When in reality I am in a tough dark spot wondering when I will get a break from this constant stress. So I will just take a deep breath in and enjoy the good things (which there is one really good thing) in my life and know this to shall pass.
