2011 Recap

2011, a year that I don't have many good things to say about. It has been a year of very uncomfortable change and heart breaking challenges. And from the sounds of it on Facebook I am not the only one who has struggled this year. I know most are ready to see an end to this year and the fresh start of a new year with endless possibilities. But to close out the year I decided to instead of dwelling on the negatives of the year I would write about the top 5 best things that happened this year...

Receiving a warm and fuzzy :)

5. Talking to the HOBY kids, it may seem like a small event to most. But these kids were my first large group listening to my story and the love that radiated from them was so empowering. I wish there was a way to bottle it up or carry them all in my pocket for whenever I need a quick pick me up. Not to mention all the Facebook love they give me, even today. I love you kids, thanks for being so awesome! I hope to make another appearance next year :)



4. The Dr. Drew Show, I mean honestly how could that not make the list right? This was a huge once in a life time experience that I am so thankful for. It opened doors in a huge way and helped me to pursue a passion of mine, talking to students about my accident. Not to mention I got to go to LA for free, that is pretty awesome itself.





3. After 5 long years I am out of litigation. I am done with all lawsuits and insurance battles that were pending. No more fear of a possible trail ahead and if you have never been in an on going lawsuit be thankful. It is awful, at any moment you may have to go meet with some jerk off lawyers who want to dissect the worst day of your life and somehow make it your fault so they don't have to pay you. Or pit you against someone you love very much. Oh it is just the worst and I can finally say I never have to deal with that side of my horrible accident ever again.

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2. Mr. Fackelman coming home. Although not completely out of the woods but just knowing that he was able to spend christmas with his family this year after years of watching his family miss him each holiday season brings me so much happiness. Also being able to have dinner with him and give him a big hug outside of a prison visiting room was pure bliss.








1. Finally the best thing to happen to me this year would be my boyfriend. (cheesy I know..) And although we started dating in 2010, this year our relationship really grew and became a relationship that I have dreamed of my entire life. For the first time my love life is perfect, never thought I would be able to say that. However, the absolute best part is him moving in. It was a difficult decision for me to make being that I am more traditional and never thought I would live in sin (as some would say haha). Ultimately I went with what my heart was saying and did what felt right. We have been living together for a few months now and life couldn't be better. I have never been so happy. It is amazing how God can provide in the most perfect way.

Goodbye 2011, I will not miss you and hope that 2012 is much kinder to me. I am in need of a good year,  it is about time I get a dang break along with my friends who also had a sucky year. After all the end of the world is coming ;) haha

Don't forget A reason for the season

I know family time can feel like this sometimes  :)

Christmas such a magical beautiful time. All about Jesus, presents, cookies, Santa, the lights, trees, and FAMILY. It is a time of year that makes my heart feel so full and excited for the possibilities of making new family memories. Growing up I always looked forward to the time spent with my families and giving the most perfect gift to everyone I love. But this time of year is a time when feeling the loss of my loved ones is refreshed. I haven't experienced too much loss in my life, although the ones I have lost have been some of the hardest to lose. The most obvious is my Charlie. The pain I feel around this time of year is more for his family knowing they would give anything to have him there even for just a moment. When so many take their loved ones for granted, not knowing what true loss feels like. Another one would be my Papa. I actually lost him on December 23rd almost 7 years ago. He and I were very close and I was just getting to the age where I was learning how cherish my time with him. I know everyone loses their grandparents at some point but he was just a few months shy of his 70th birthday and it was too sudden. After losing both of these guys I have trained myself to enjoy the moments with my loved ones focusing on memories. I also never forget to let my loved ones know how much I care about them. Ask any of my friends I am constantly telling them how much I love them, they may get tired of hearing it but at least I know they will never wonder what my true feelings are. So I guess I am just reminding everyone to take a moment from the hustle and bustle of the commercialization of Christmas and remind those who you love just how much they really meant to you. Because there will be a time when you will give just about anything for one more hug or one more chance to tell them you love them. I can't tell you how many times I have begged God for just a moment to give my Papa a hug or to hear that encouragement he gave to me so well. And I know right now one of my friends is wishing he had his mom back after losing her to complications of a surgery one year ago today. So you never know when that moment of tragedy will strike and nothing will ever be the same. Thank Jesus for those you have and the moments you have with them.

Miss you all the time Papa

This post is dedicated to Aunt Risa. She was an amazing mother, as well as a kind soul.You were taken too soon but God's timing is hardly ever our timing. Hope you are enjoying heaven, know we are missing you down here.  

Facebook Fight

I see that somehow I have sparked quite the debate with this whole handicap bathroom deal. For all the curious minds I will paint today's scenarios and my bathroom adventures.

My sister and I decided to do a little light shopping for ourselves, getting into some real christmas spirit. And while she was waiting in line at Express I decided to hit the bathroom really quick. Although it wasn't time for me to go, I figured I may as well since we were close to the easiest bathroom for me to use and I wanted to avoid a disaster of an accident. Now I should disclaimer this by saying I have NEVER experienced a line at these bathroom because they are in a small strange hallway and didn't know about them myself until a year or so ago. So I wheel around the corner and there are 3 woman standing in line for this one restroom. NOT families but single able bodied females. A larger mid 40s woman, a 13 yr old girl, and another 40 something woman. I was instantly annoyed and quickly posted my status as a joke, as I contemplated saying something. Because there is a large public restroom just around the corner with like 40 stalls. So really I had no clue on why able bodied people would want to wait 15 minutes for a restroom  when there is one just a few feet in the other direction. So as I was thinking I was looking at the bathroom and noticed that there aren't any handicap signs on the door. In that moment I decided not to say anything because there wasn't any sign saying handicap, but it is very clear to everyone that if there is a single HUGE public bathroom with bars and lowered sink/mirrors that it is a family restroom. And in our society FAMILY restrooms are for FAMILIES and HANDICAP people. So that is where my frustrations came from today, not to mention the people parking in handicap spots and then sprinting into the mall. All the stares and looks of awe that a handicapper is actually out of the home that I get as I wheel through the mall. My limit of tolerance was met and I used Facebook to blow off a little steam. Boy did that get everyone all fired up.

I will say that I love everyone who supports me and cares enough to help express my point or defend my feelings when I usually can't because I am so timid when it comes to confrontation. But this is my official response to the comments left by one of my Facebook friends who I have no idea who she is and pretty positive she is the one who left some awesome comments on my last blog about handicap restrooms (Tinkle Time). I think I understand what she was getting at about how handicap stalls are strictly for handicap people only and she only uses them when necessary. I may be giving her too much credit but I prefer to think most people are good somewhere inside and not just mean to the core (although there are people who are). I have never said the handicap stalls are strictly for people like me and I would never be angry with a mother with a stroller and children for using the handicap stall because they are also why those stalls are there. Because we REQUIRE the extra space. We don't find it a luxury or convenient but physically need all the space we can get. I don't think anyone knows how embarrassing it is to pee your pants as a grown adult or how even more embarrassing it is to pee with a stall door open because there isn't enough room to shut the door as people just walk past getting a free show. As my boyfriend pointed out tonight that if there weren't disabled people in the world there would be NO HANDICAP STALLS.

So yes they should be strictly reserved for the disabled at all times. There are loads of accommodations in society for the disabled because our lives are HARD, front row parking, ramps, elevators, open isles, lowered checkout counters, etc. And I get angry when able bodied people use these accommodations as well. Which at some point politicians finally realized that a disabled person's life is hard and made guidelines and laws to help make our lives easier. And yes I think truly handicap people should get special privileges because I can never fully express how hard this life is. All of the changes and emotional strife I experienced and continue to experience daily makes it hard to go out into society but knowing that there are accommodations to make it a little bit easier experience, is why I started to go back into the community. But I will tell you days like today made me lose a lot of confidence in the human race. Not to mention the fact that it is only fair to make the world easy for a disabled person to navigate as well, since we are people too an deserve all the same opportunities everyone else gets.

P.S. Anyone who compares having any short of simple disease or injury to being in a wheelchair or handicapped pisses me off. It is not the same as being permanently disabled. End of story.

FREE HUGS!

So very often I get asked what is the thing you miss most from when I was abled bodies (not as gracefully put, but that is the general idea). This question is always one of my favorites because for a second I feel like I have a chance to remind someone to be thankful for the ability they have. And well my answers always seem to be different, because honestly each day there seems to be something I miss more than another. My typical response is usually missing softball, walking up stairs, going to the bathroom. But after the last time I was asked this I took some time to really reflect on what I truly miss most and I think I have finally come up with the answer. That would be hugging, ugh I miss that connection so much. On a horrible day there is nothing like a long embrace from a loved one that melts away all the bad. Sure I can still give hugs and I do as much as possible. But once again it just isn't the same. To be able to fall into someone's arms when I feel like my whole world is crashing down is the prefect remedy to make that moment simple and easy. It is amazing to see how often people hug and all the different occasions. Meeting new people, reuniting with old friends, bad days, exciting days, saying hello, saying goodbye, and just about everything in between is an occasion that requires a hug. Each time these occasions happen I watch people hesitantly go in for a hug with me and of course a hug period is wonderful to me. However generally a hug for me is pretty awkward because people don't know if I am fragile or not sure how to stratal the wheelchair. Just take note in knowing that I love my hugs so don't be shy, just not too rough because I am a little fragile. I don't want to go on and on about this subject just a little food for thought. Another instance where I hope to open the eyes of some to how lucky they are to have what they have. I am one who is extremely happy for what I am blessed with but someday when I am back on my feet everyone better watch out. I will be a hugging machine :)

-also a little side note, it is said that a person needs that type of human contact a hug provides to feel loved and whole. So give someone you love a hug today.

Tinkle time.

Lucky for you guys I am a huge procrastinator and am currently putting off my critical thinking paper because OBVIOUSLY writing this blog is way more important! I have some of the paper done, so don't judge me.

Alright on to today's topic, handicap bathrooms. If you are in my wheelchair you can feel my pain on this subject. One of the most frustrating things I encounter weekly is public handicap bathrooms. I will wheel into the bathroom and all stalls are open except for the only one I can actually fit into.... the handicap stall. Every time this event occurs I was to scream and then catapult myself at the person when the finally walk out. Now I understand there are moments when all stalls are filled and nature is kicking down the door to get out. In that case yes go right ahead and use the handicap stall but please make it snappy. Because you never know when someone who needs the stall is going to come in. The one thing you should never do as an abled bodied person is go into the ONLY handicap stall when every other stall is open. I cannot tell you how many times I have wheeled in right behind someone and they stroll right into the handicap stall with the rest completely open. All of these ladies are lucky I can keep my temper and they didn't meet my fury after being so ignorant. The handicap stalls are not for whoever wants to use them. There is a specific population who truly need them, they are not just a roomy stall because there was extra room. Finally, people stop POOPING in the handicap stall. It seems like every time I get stuck waiting for the handicap stall someone is pooping in it. It is just something about the space that draws people to it for doing their stinky business. It is bad enough I have to wait for you to get out of the only stall I can fit in, now I get to smell your brand?! No thank you, I will pass. This is me begging the able bodied people to stop being so ignorant to the needs of the disabled and be aware of your surroundings. These accommodation are not just for your convenience.

Also those of you who own or hold an important position at a public place, please make sure your bathrooms are actually wheelchair accessible. The guidelines for ADA compliant are changing next year and becoming more stern in reinforcing these guidelines. And generally when I go somewhere that doesn't have an accessible bathroom I can promise I won't be back and I spread the word to other disabled  friends. Because I feel that when someone isn't ADA compliant it is them saying to me they don't want my business and don't care about my needs as a human. Just a little food for thought for you who own public buildings. Okay fine I will go back to my homework now :(

P.S. If anyone has questions they would like me to blog about please email them to me @ stevie.beale21@gmail.com.

Never a Dull Moment

Well it is time for one of the perks of being in a wheelchair. Getting to experience some of the dumbest moments able-bodied people have, putting their foot in their mouth. We start our story on Saturday October 29th (my sister's birthday, irrelevant fact but their will be a test on it later). As most know this was the big party night for Halloween this year. In good young person fashion my boyfriend and I decided to go out in BG for a good night of fun. I am never any good at coming up with a creative costumes, this year I went cheap and did the catholic school girl. Which I used my sister's school uniform for and added my own personal Halloween touch ( made it a little revealing, bad I know but I am a typical girl). Anyways, we get to BG hung out at an apartment for a bit then deicide it is time to hit the bar for the night.

We get to the bar and everything is pretty typical, order my drink and go to our usual pool table. Of course there are a bunch of people there, many that I don't know. So I am getting settled in and a guy comes over to say hello to someone who I was with and he (dressed as a nerd) looks at me, says "What happened to you?!" Getting this ALL the time I replied "Car accident". Simple to the point and generally it stratifies people enough that they will move on. But not this guy he then says, "I have been in loads of car accidents and can still walk." At this point I was pretty shocked that he said that because most people are very afraid of hurting my feelings so they do the opposite and ignore the elephant in the room (elephant being my wheelchair). He drifts away obviously extremely drunk and I think nothing more of it. Later in the night I noticed that there was a girl dressed up as Justin Beiber, knowing that my best friend's little sister has a bad case of Beiber Fever and I love teasing her about it I had to get a picture. I wheeled over to where she was and asked for a picture. They were in the middle of taking some shots, nerd guy included, so I wait for them to finish. Well as I wheeled up they were passing the shots around and nerd guy looks up saying, "WAIT! We need to give the retard in the wheelchair a shot." Now everyone in the group knows me and their faces were filled with horror. I mean it literally looked like every bit of color drained from their faces. Everyone ignores him, me included. Not because I am offended but because I more confused on why he was saying that. Most of my friends and I joke about that but never has a complete strange had the courage to say something like that to me. For good reason too because you never really know how a sentence like that would effect someone. And I will tell you right now if someone had said that to me just a few months post injury I would have been crushed, probably crying for days. Back to the story, the nerd continues to say "give a shot to the retard in the wheelchair a shot." repeating himself about 4 more times. I kept rejecting his shot and everyone else was trying to change the subject till he finally looks at me and says "you aren't really in a wheelchair are you?" A little late to ask that question.... I replied "yes I am, I was in a car accident" He says, "NO WAY!" repeating myself I said "yes I am." This goes back and forth a few more times. Till I finally pull out the big guns and say, "I am in a wheelchair I was in a car accident when I was 17 and my best friend was killed." Finally he got it, I am really in a wheelchair. The poor guy thought it was all a part of my costume. His instance reaction, "I am so SORRY! I didn't think you were in a chair because you are way to pretty, you don't look like someone who would be in a chair." I thanked him for the sort of compliment, listened to about 20 more apologies, then went back to my friends. I was dying laughing and told everyone what happened. Then through out the night he continued to apologize to me and my boyfriend. I kept assuring him I was okay and move on. I was a little happy because I knew it would make a great story and a great blog. haha.

Now I want to make it clear, I am not angry with this guy and really don't want all of you to get angry. I think it is hilarious and very thankful he said to me and not someone else whose feelings he could have hurt. Just another instance where if society wasn't so terrified of the disabled and took the time to learn about us stupidity like this would be avoided.

Happy Birthday CLF

Well after taking a few weeks off I think it is time for me to get myself back in gear and start blogging. I had a blog in mind and just never got around to writing it this weekend. But seeing as today is Charlie's birthday I feel more compelled to write about some of my favorite memories I have with him.  1. What sparked our friendship was having classes together 3 semesters in a row and by the second semester we started becoming good friends. So during this semester we decided to have a competition see who would get the better grade in each class we had together. I beat him the first semester in chemistry 2 and the next semester we had math class together. Well we both agreed that we wouldn't bring in the extra credit tissue box, since our grades should be about our pure ability. Fast forward to the last day of our junior year I met Charlie in the parking lot like I did every morning. But this morning I noticed he was walking kind of funny and had something behind his back. Walking in the same way I was since I had something to hide from him too. We met in the middle and both give each other this look and exposed what we were hiding behind our backs. Surprise surprise we had both brought in a tissue box for extra credit and didn't tell the other we were. Both of us desperate to secure a victory in this class cheated. Although Charlie died before grades came out, I know he was in heaven celebrating because he won that class and got the better grade. 2. This is actually a memory from the night before the accident. All of the girls from our crew decided to have girl's night sleep over and invited some other girls too. While we were hanging out in the back yard making s'mores, jumping on the trampoline and whatever else, one of the girls was leaving and had an interesting discovery. The boys had paid us a visit. They had soaped our cars. For those who don't know you can take a bar of soap and write on the windows of cars (only on the windows). They had covered all of our windows, Charlie had written his name all over my car even the windshield. The next morning as I was leaving I realized this was a problem because my washer fluid was broken and I could barely see out the windshield. So I drove to a gas station and tried to clean the windshield, only problem was their wash was all dirty water and made my car ten times dirtier than in the beginning. I went home and called Char immediately to guilt trip him about how I had to wash my car all because of him and how he should be doing it not me! Little did I know I would regret washing my car that day... 3. Now the best, most talked about, and most embarrassing memory I have with this crazy kid. It was a warm day a few of us decided to go swimming in my grandma's pool. 3 guys 2 girls. Being teenagers we were goofing off in the pool and someone suggested we play chicken. Obviously the girls get on the guys shoulders and have at it. I hopped on someone's shoulders and Charlie decided he was just going to watch (smart guy). Not even 2 minutes into the game my top was ripped off. I dove in to the water to fix myself as fast as I could, but it was too late. When I came up Charlie was sitting there with a huge smile on his face and said nice try, I saw everything. Oh I was so embarrassed. After swimming we went back to charlie's for dinner his mom had made us. Charlie just couldn't stop smiling and as we were sitting in the living room eating he told his mom how it was the best day of his life. My heart sunk, I couldn't believe it but I was thinking he was going to tell his mom. This was the first time I had really met her and would die if she knew about the most embarrassing moment of my life. But he did. Told all about it and everyone was calling me Tara Reid, because she had just exposed herself accidentally. I could have died and turned all shades of red. Although it is embarrassing it is my favorite memory with him and something I cherish. I miss him everyday. Most say time heals everything but time has just made the hole deeper. I don't think about how much I miss him as much as I used to, but when it hits me it is like all my breath is taking from me and pain over takes my body. I would do anything to have him back. But all I can do is cherish these precious memories I have and I do. He taught me so much and helped me feel the meaning of selfless love, I will carry that with me forever. Since I can't have him back, I just live everyday in honor of him and do my best to use this tragedy to prevent another. Happy birthday Char, love you forever.

Details on the Show!!

I just got word today that the show will be airing on the premiere date, which is totally unexpected! So that means my show will be on the CW (channel 5 in Toledo) @ 3:00pm Monday September 19th. 

They said there will be 2 show airing that day and I don't know which one will be my episode, but I strongly suggest to watch both shows anyways. Because I am sure they will both be great! I will continue to remind everyone on facebook and twitter. Keep your eyes open and be very excited because I know I am!!!

In other news, I am finally starting to feel good. It was a tough week but I did some reading on the medication and the side effects should subside after the first few weeks. Plus I saw my doctor today and he wasn't to worried about it. Very sad that I was experiencing such severe side effects but confident that I will begin to tolerate the injections in no time. Also he said it is possible that I am getting too much calcium causing me to get sick which can be adjusted. In all that is great news and I hope I can continue on this medication and fix the problem. Thanks for all the encouraging messages, like I have always said without you guys I am nothing :)

Roller Coaster

Okay so clearly there has been a lot going on in my life. I will do a quick update on the Dr. Drew show. I planned to write a blog all about the trip but today I had an experience that I would much rather blog about. Anyways I still don't know the date the show will air. I had an amazing time. Everyone involved was so kind and made the whole experience simply perfect. I had loads of fun spending some quality time with my dad in such perfect weather. And yes ladies Dr. Drew is just as beautiful in person and even kinder than you can imagine. Quick story, I was trying to take a picture with him but he had to do an interview and after he finished he sent a producer back to my dressing room to get me because he wanted to make sure I got all the pictures I wanted with him. Don't know many celebrities that take that kind of time out of their busy day just to make my day. As soon as I know the date of the show I will let everyone know, but you should definitely tune in on September 19 @ 3:00pm on the CW for the premiere of Life Changers with Dr. Drew. I know it is going to be a fantastic show.

Now to my day. So not many people know but right after I was released from the hospital I began to nurse myself off of all medications because I didn't like the fog and emotional mess they made me. Pretty much since 6 months post injury I have been medication free, minus the occasional anti-biotic for the lovely UTIs that pop up from time to time (another wonderful perk of being paralyzed). Fast forward to January of this year I had to get a bone density test just to get a base line because I haven't had one ever and we were just curious what the  results would be. Having zero concern about the possibility of a negative out come, since I have been in physical therapy and extremely active the entire time I have been injured. Well a month later the results came in and I got horrible news. My scores were .3 points away from being to brittle for me to even go to physical therapy anymore because such a high risk of fracture and I was way under the minimum score for osteoporosis. It was a blow that came out of left field and none of me was ready for this. I was crushed because I knew that 1. I would have to be put on some sort of medication, that I didn't want to be on 2. I have worked so hard to keep my body in good shape, yet it felt like all this work was for nothing. I cried for days about it and felt like everything I thought I knew was wrong. I had to make an appointment with a specialist to find out what plan of attack we were going to do. By the time the appointment came around I had come to terms with the idea of having to be put on a boniva or some equivalent oral daily pill.

I guess I should probably let those of you who don't know, but bone density is a big issue for us paralyzed folk. In order to build strong bones a person needs to lift weights, stand, walk, or run. The stress from standing and such promotes regeneration of more bone cells. Thus making stronger bones. Stating the obvious not being able to stand, walk, or run presses a huge issue of the bones becoming brittle, making fracture a very real risk if I was ever to fall or even transfer in the wrong way. In all this is a very scary problem to have because if I were to break a femur I don't just get a cast, they usually do surgery and place rods to stabilize the broken bone. Which I want to avoid surgery or any new hardware in my body in every way I can.

Alright back to the appointment, the doctor I had my appointment with was so shocked that my scores were so low that he decided to call in another doctor who was even more specialized than he was.
A new doc came in who had a lot of experience with bone density and immobile people as they kept saying. This is where I was hit with another blow out of no where. The doctor told me he was very concerned with how low my scores were and we needed to be aggressive with the treatment. Meaning that he wanted to put me on a DAILY injection for the next TWO years. Yet again I felt crushed, why did this have to be so bad? Why did it have to be such an issue? After a few months of fighting with insurance companies, we finally had the FORTEO ordered.

Fast forward to last Saturday I finally started the injections. The doctor warned me that I should start the injection on a weekend were I didn't have anything to do because it may have some strong side effects. Boy was he right. The first and second days weren't bad I was a little nauseous  and very tired but Monday is when it really hit me. I could barely eat, I felt like every bit of energy was sucked from my body and after I ate dinner I vomited. Woke up again this morning did my shot and felt the same way but today I had to go to school. I couldn't eat all day, dry heaved and just felt like crap.

All of this leading to me having a big pity party for myself today. I just feel so overwhelmed and disappointed that this is where my life is. I have been through so much, I can't understand why I am faced with this. My life is so hard day to day the last thing I need is this. I know this may be over reacting a bit but I am tired of constantly having to deal with complications of a position that other people put me in 5 years ago, while they are walking free of any kind of daily reminder. This pain is strong it feels like it is sucking every bit of life out of me. It is so frustrating to think about the possibility of these side effects lasting for 2 years. Sometimes I close my eyes and just hope that when I open them all of this was just a dream. But of course I open them and I am still living this roller coaster of a life . Hopefully some day the peaks and valleys will become more mild allowing me to feel like less of a crazy person and more like the life I want to live.

I guess the point of all of this is to show everyone that even though it seems like my life is headed in amazing places and I should be feeling on top of the world right. When in reality I am in a tough dark spot wondering when I will get a break from this constant stress. So I will just take a deep breath in and enjoy the good things (which there is one really good thing) in my life and know this to shall pass.  

T.V. Debut

I am sure everyone is just dying to know how this whole Dr. Drew thing happened. Well I will tell you the events and I am sure most of you will not believe it because it is such a crazy story!!!

We will begin with Monday of this week, I was doing my regular routine of therapy and home for my massage. When during my massage I got a phone call from an old friend from high school David Miller. Now sorry David but I almost ignored your call because I rarely let phone calls disrupt my massage but I figured I haven't hard from the kid in years there had to be a pretty specific reason for the call. I answered and he told me that a guy who he graduated college with at Miami of Ohio had got ahold of him asking for my number because he worked for the Dr. Drew show in L.A. and they wanted me on. I was very shocked. I told David to give him my number I was completely interested, because anyone who knows me knows that my goal since the accident is to share my story with everyone possible. In hopes to prevent another horrible tragedy from ever happening. 

After I hung up the phone I told my massage therapist all about the call and honestly assumed I would probably not hear from them for a few more days (if ever). Boy was I wrong, I didn't even get the whole story out to my massage therapist, that my phone rang and it was one of the assistant producers from the show ( the one who knows David) asking me to tell him my story and if I would be interested in doing the show. Obviously I said yes, but I was so curious how they found me. Well apparently they are doing the show on road rage and when they searched road rage in the internet my story popped up. They looked me up on Facebook, noticed we had a lot of mutual friends and then he realized it was because we have the same hometown!  Yep ladies and gentlemen we have a Toledo boy in L.A. workin hard! 

Anyways I was totally on board and then they broke the news the taping was THIS Thursday! They would pay for airfare, hotel, and rides to each, so it was a chance I just couldn't pass up. I said yes and decided to skip my classes on those days. Which really was a tough decision because they aren't classes I can just freely skip. But this is a once in a life time opportunity and a chance to get some experience in what I actually want to do with my life (public speaking). So in the end after numerous phone calls, here I am poolside in Burbank, CA with my dad getting ready to meet the producers and do the taping tomorrow. 

Although this is shocking, crazy, and unexpected I know why this happened, it is because this has been god's plan all along and he is showing me that me being patient all these years he made it happen in the most perfect way.

I don't know the air date of my episode still, I will definitely let everyone know as soon as I do. The name of the show is Life Changers with Dr. Drew on the CW at 3:00pm. Thanks for all the support everyone, I never could have made it this far without the love and kind words you all poor onto me in my weakest moments.

Questions!!!!!!!!

So thinking of topics to write about is much harder than I thought it would be, but also I don't want this blog to be a one way street. Aka me just preaching for however many paragraphs, I want it to be a discussion and full filling for all involved, including me. So I have decided that I would like to start dedicating at least one blog a week or month to answer questions that you guys have for me! Any thing at all, I say all subjects are fair game. Like I have and always will say knowledge is power and me being private about my life won't help anybody, especially me. Email me any questions to my gmail account Stevie.beale21@gmail.com, this way the email will go straight to my phone and I will be able to stay on top of this.

Alright guys bring on the questions, I know you all have ones you are dying to ask me and I can tell you I am dying to answer them. I love contributing to someone gaining more knowledge that will allow them to become a more aware citizen. I should also give credit a certain blogger who I enjoy reading his posts for giving me this idea.... You know who you are. :)

I am not an ALIEN!

As a child I was told over and over that it is not polite to stare. Which I assumed everyone was informed of this very important social rule, but since being in this chair I see that I was very wrong. The way that people gawk at me when I enter a room is horrible. Time and time again I go somewhere were an adult is watching me as if I am a gypsy about to steal their wallet or a space alien with a new form of travel. Now I get it, it is not everyday that most people see a young person in a wheelchair. Let alone a small nice wheelchair like mine, so most times I don't mind if a person looks at me discreetly.

So after a recent encounter in the small town of Rudolph, Oh., where they are horrible offenders of watching me as if I am a mutant from the future who is going to force them to brush their teeth. I started thinking about an acceptable way to look at someone because we are all guilty of it. I know I do it too, I even do it to people in wheelchairs too.  But I think there is an acceptable way to look when you see someone who is interesting and a way that is just plain rude.

Now this is purely my opinion and it may not apply to every person in a chair because there are varying levels of sensitivities. For me I don't mind if when I come rolling into a room you look at me, but DO NOT crank your neck to continue watching me wheel farther away from you. A quick look of acknowledgment is totally fine with me. Because an offense that is almost as annoying as the staring is the pretending as if I don't even exist even though it is completely obvious that you have noticed me and want to look.

If I catch you staring at me please don't feel obligated to say something to me. I can't tell you how many times I catch people staring and they shout out a compliment. Like while I was on vacation and I was wheeling down the street and I looked up and this guy staring and he yells "I like your shirt" I mean yes it was a sweet shirt but that is not what he was staring at.

 If you have a question just ask, because my philosophy is I would rather people ask and find out the truth rather than just assume. Granted most people in chairs aren't as open but if you just ask if it is okay to ask them a question that should make it more polite and they may be more open to answering your question.

Okay parents it is your turn, kids are curious beings. Everyone knows this, including disabled people. So when your child is staring or yells out "what's wrong with her?!" Don't scold them (well in the case of staring please inform them that it isn't  polite and if they have a question to ask it). First correct them that there isn't anything "wrong with her" and explain why the person is using a chair and if you don't know suggest asking the person. Yelling at them or dramatically pulling them away is embarrassing for all involved. Plus it is discouraging your child from asking questions and learning. Which we all know knowledge is power. And being open with our children maybe it will help eliminate the shock of seeing a person in a chair because they already know what the wheelchair means. I dream of a day where I don't have to deal with idiots staring at me and making me feel stupid and if we are open with our children maybe future generations won't have to deal with the staring.

Understand that this doesn't apply for everyone, so try to gage the situation and whether the question you have is in an appropriate setting. Because asking me how I go to the bathroom or if I can feel sex is not an appropriate question while I am in the grocery store and you will not like the response I can promise this. Just keep in mind staring is not okay and the reason people in chairs have a bad rap for being cranky is because we are so tired of having people's eyes glued to us everywhere we go and eventually snap.

Vacation.. always too short.

 must say vacations are never long enough and it is always a huge bummer when they end. Not to mention the laundry and cleaning that has to be done once you get home. But nonetheless vacations are always worth it. This vacation was definitely worth it and had perfect timing.

            Now it is time for me to brag about all the awesome things I did and what a blast I had. First I will start with the hotel, it had the absolute perfect location. It was the Tempe Mission Palms in the heart of Tempe. Just a few blocks away from the ASU campus and only steps away from Mill St. The room I was in was one of the best wheelchair accessible rooms I have ever stayed in. Minus the height of the bed, which is always too high. I have never understood why the beds are always so much higher than regular rooms because I can never make that high transfer. Anyways besides that it was a very clean and accessible room that I very much so enjoyed. The staff was extremely friendly, always opening the doors or I noticed after a few days of me staying there they left the doors propped open. Not sure it was to make my life easier or just a coincidence, either way it made me happy. It had free Wifi, basketball court, tennis court, workout room, and pool. I spent most of the first few days lounging by the pool (the relaxation I needed). We found a pretty sweet deal for the rooms on orbitz and when we called the hotel with a question they matched the price, which I thought was pretty cool too. I definitely recommend this hotel.

The entire vacation was packed full of activities. We drove to the top of South Mountain that has a pretty cool view of the entire city of Phoenix. This lookout isn’t really what I would call handicap accessible. The path is gravel and kind of on a down hill slope. But if you have someone to go with it is totally worth it during the day or at night. The group did some extreme go karting, that I couldn’t participate in but they all had fun and I have grown accustom to just watching. I don’t remember the name of the place but it was sweet. After a few days in Phoenix we drove out to San Diego it was a 6-hour drive out there through some pretty mountains and super close to the board, so we had board patrol check points those are fun to watch people getting searched on the side of the road. The hotel there sucked, the room was tiny and not set up conveniently for a wheelchair user. We strolled some boardwalks in San Diego they were all kind of dirty and full of homeless people, so I wasn’t very impressed with San Diego.  Although we had lunch at Hodad’s a burger place it was very yummy and the decorations were cool too. I guess it was featured on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives.

After lunch it was time for the San Diego Zoo, the one thing I was looking forward to on this trip. I will tell you the zoo did not disappoint. At 40.00 bucks a person I thought it was little steep but after going in I can see why I could have easily spent the whole day there just watching all the amazing animals they had. The zoo was absolutely huge. Plus it was open till 9pm during the summer but I didn’t get to stay the long, although I wanted too. A little secret of the zoo, if you are disabled go to guest services and ask for a free companion ticket and a ticket to line jump. It saved us some money but we didn’t learn about the line jump thing until we were leaving. And having a companion to help with the pushing from time to time is nice, the zoo is very big and SUPER hilly. From there we headed up to Huntington Beach, we stayed at my mom’s friend’s house which was surprisingly accessible. They had a very beautiful home and a pretty sweet pool/hot tub. The next morning they did some surfing, which I watched again. When we made the appointment we didn’t even think to ask if I could, I just assumed I couldn’t, completely forgetting there are tons of paralyzed people who surf. So once I make it out to Hawaii for a vacation I am definitely trying it, because hopefully the ocean water will be warmer there. The surf school was called Banzai Surf School, the instructors were all very nice and they said I could have taken a lesson as well it just would have been a private. After that we just went to Newport Beach and checked out the downtown shops. I fell in love with the area it was so clean, accessible, and beautiful. I really enjoyed California; not sure I could live there with the traffic but definitely visit there more often.

Another 6-hour drive back to Phoenix got back and just crashed at the hotel. Our last day on vacation was spent going to the shooting range, Spinatos, shopping, and tattoos. Spinatos is a pizza joint in Tempe that is amazing; highly suggest it anytime you are out that way. Mmmm I am craving it just thinking about it. My cousin Cade got his first tattoo at Club Tattoo, which made me want another but I am still figuring out what I want. Club Tattoo was a really nice place and Chester Bennington from Linkin Park is part owner, I thought that was pretty neat.

All in all it was a good trip for me. I had loads of fun, I love family time and seeing my cousins that live out West, who I wish I could see more often. And can’t wait for the next vacation, wherever that may be. J

-----links to the cool places websites are on the words.. just click!

Planes.

Flying can be a dreadful experience for just about anyone but there is a small added stress when you are in a chair. Because as most people don't think about the aisle ways in an airplane are too small for any normal everyday wheelchair to fit through. So they have special helpers called aisle chairs, which are the smallest little chairs that make even the tiniest person look like a giant. One of the perks of being in a chair and boarding an airplane is we board first. So at the end of the terminal is usually some young college kids and the aisle chair waiting to transport me on to the plane. Most times the attendants have to call and find an aisle chair first because, even though I requested one when I booked the ticket and checked in, the aisle chair is not there. After waiting I get strapped in and hauled onto the plane. My chair gets stored with the checked luggage and the rest of the plane boards. Now after the flight lands is the part that kind of sucks, I now have to wait for the entire plane to exit before I can get off. So this is a note for you people who take forever to get off the plane MOVE IT because I want off the plane and have to wait for you! Lol. The plane empties and the new young kids come looking for some old lady to take to her chair and pretty much are always shocked to see a young girl waiting for them. They strap me I again and off we go to reunite me with Wanda (my wheelchair's name).

Usually this experience ranges from not so bad to pretty frustrating, but this last trip was a great experience. So I am highly suggesting to fly Southwest if you are in a chair and if possible. They had tags all ready to put on my chair so if for whatever reason it was lost we could identify it as mine. The aisle chair was there and since Southwest doesn't have assigned seating they saved the first three seats for us and it was so open that I didn't have to use the aisle chair to get off the plane, just pulled Wanda right into the cabin and off I went. It was awesome and not even a little bit stressful. Plus everyone was amazingly friendly, you can check up to 2 bags free per passenger, and the plane was very clean. In all the flight here with Southwest was so nice and made is vacation start off the right way. Now I am off to enjoy this hot sun and just relax! 

P.S. You can only book Southwest tickets on their website, they are cheap too.
http://www.southwest.com/

Vacation!!

Well everyone I am heading out on vacation here in the next few days for a nice long trip to sunny Arizona. And I thought I would get in a quick entry before I leave. I am not completely sure when I will be able to get another one in. So I figures I would just tell a pretty hilarious story that happened to me while shopping last week. Yep everyone it is a fantastic wheelchair story.

So my mom sister and I decided to go up to Great Lakes Crossing for some outlet fun. Mind you this was all of ours first time going. Towards the end of the day my sister wanted to look at earrings. So we are looking and of course a sales lady is following us around pointing out different ones. And when she walked up my mom and sister were sitting down in the chairs they had out. She was pointing out some earrings and said to us now you need to stand up and look over the earrings so you can really get the effect. Mom and sister stand up look and of course I just sit there. The lady repeats herself you really have to stand up and look at it. She says it three more times before she looks right at me and says you need to stand up and look at it. I didn't know how to break the news to her that it was an impossible task she was requesting and before I could think of something to spare her feelings my sister pipes up. Saying she can't stand. That is when the lady looks over and sees the wheelchair. I am sure she was completely embarrassed but she played it off better than I have ever seen she says " Oh my gosh I didn't see the chair  and I am sorry, but I was thinking in my head why isn't this girl listening to me! She really needs to stand her ass up." She came around and showed me the earrings and we all got a good laugh. This is definitely one of those awesome wheelchair moments that give me a good laugh.

Off to do more packing! I will keep you all updated on how the trip goes :)

Light Bulb

A light bulb, a very common simple household appliance. It is never noticed until the day it burns out. In that case you just run down to the hardware store grab a new one, go home unscrew the dead one and quickly replace it with the new. Seems like a simple enough task. This is one of the many mindless tasks that some many people think nothing about and quite frankly think of more as a hassle than anything else. But for me replacing a light bulb is near impossible. Being in this chair all I can do is sit and look at the burnt out bulb wondering how can I replace this. The simplest way is to call someone and have them do it for me, but no one can ever know how much I hate having to do that. So I sit and think of solutions of how I can do this simple little task. Because I so badly want to feel like an independent person again. I want to know that if it came do to it I could I really survive if I had no one.

 After some creative thinking I grab the grabber(one of the best inventions ever), some tape and pray it will work. Placing a piece of tape on each side of the claws of the grabber, I get a firm grip on the bulb begin to attempt to screw the bulb in but realize I can't put the force needed, adjust my hands and drop the bulb. About twenty attempts later I finally get the bulb in place but now it won't work. Figures. Few more attempts and more broken bulbs I finally get so frustrated I start to cry and scream because all I want to do is screw in a light bulb for crying out loud and it shouldn't be so hard! But it is and now here I am in my bathroom crying because of all the pain I feel from sitting in this chair everyday has over taken my body. I swear at god asking why do I have to go through this?! Why can't I just do this one simple dumb task like I could just 5 short years ago?! Then come the heavier questions like will this ever get easier? Do I have to do this for the rest of my life? Because at that very moment I don't feel like I can survive a life in a chair forever. Twenty minutes go by of tears and raw pain and I pull myself together knowing this is a small moment in my life. I have overcome so much and I can't let a small thing like a light bulb break my spirit.

Even though I can usually fight through these moments that seem to happen everyday, just not always with such an intense emotional reaction, it doesn't make them any easier to experience. I want so badly to see a task in front of me and be able to accomplish it. No matter how small the task is. Now I know there is some way that I can accomplish every failed task I attempt. But it is just so damn frustrating that I even have to problem solve with every little thing.

Hopefully most of you have caught on by now (at least I hope you have) this isn't about not being able to screw in a light bulb this is about feel like a helpless individual. Feeling so dependent all the time is one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially for me being/wanting to be an independent person. Knowing that there will be moments where I just need help is what makes living is this chair so hard. I used to be able to look at anything in front of me and have the complete confidence I could accomplish it, but now I  am always questioning can I actually do it? And I have to accept there will be times the answer is no. I guess what don't kill us makes us stronger and by my life experiences I must be one tough cookie because there have been countless times I have thought I am never going to survive this.

What I hope you can take away from this blog is never again taking your independence (no matter how much or how little) for granted. I don't, the independence I have I treasure. Please don't feel bad for me, because I have a great life, it is harder than I would like sometimes but I know for a fact I am not alone in that battle.

Here we go...

For years I have wanted to start a blog but couldnt because of lawsuits, my own fears of it sucking and junk like that. Now I am free from it all after 5  years and think it is time to finally do what I think will help me heal and hopefully help others heal/grow as well. I have always said I had to go through all of this with no one to relate to (in the very beginning that is)and quickly found out that once I found people who understood my feelings it changed everything for me. So in all I just want this to be a blog where anyone can get some advice, validation, or a new understanding of whatever.

I guess I will start with how I came into all of this. I am going to assume for now most who read this know the details of my car accident, if not, maybe in another blog I will tell the whole story. For now I will just say the summer after my junior year myself and 4 friends where in a terrible car accident that killed my best friend and left me paralyzed from the waist down with pretty extensive internal injuries.  It was a journey that no 17 year old could be prepared for but yet there I was forced to face the reality of never walking again and everything I once knew would never be the same. It was a tough road and still is. I can tell you that it has been a crazy roller coaster over these past few years. But so far I have survived and can tell you I sit here a better, stronger person because of it all. Most of my entries will just be about my daily life, the obstacles I face, and just the process of healing I am still in.

In all I hope whoever reads this enjoys it and if it sucks please tell me. I don't want to embarrass myself.

Also this is a disclaimer I am going to be very honest and up front about things that go on in my life. So family or friends that may get offended by something I say just know I don't want to attack or hurt anyone, these are just my feelings. Or if I say anything that makes you uncomfortable I am sorry, this is who I am. My life is an open book and I believe people can't truly learn from me if I choose to hide aspects of my life. Well let's hope this goes well.. Fingers crossed.