Care Givers Can be a Punching Bag Sometimes

So many of who are catastrophically injured or diagnosed with debilitating disease know the importance of a good care giver. But we also know the beating a good care giver can take as well. This past Tuesday I went to the Crosby, Stills, and Nash concert (not knowing one of their songs and was definitely the youngest person there) I witnessed an interaction between a care giver and the "patient", for lack of a better word, that reminded me of so many instances between my mother and I after my injury. 

This lady was a bit older in a power wheelchair and it looked as if she had MS. I am not positive but I am assuming it. She had a women of about the same age with her who was clearly her care giver. I am not sure what their relationship was but it was closer than just some care giver hired from an agency. They were talking and laughing and have a good time for most of the evening when in the middle of the concert I noticed them to begin to have a small scuffle. The woman in the chair was having a problem with one of her legs (once again my assumption her foot was hurting from sitting in the same position for so long) and she was trying to adjust it but getting very frustrated from her lack of control. Being the good care giver she had the other lady jumped right in to help solve the situation but only seemed to make it worse. After some words exchanged back and forth and in a moment of shear frustration the woman in the chair shouted at her to "leave me alone". The care giver let her fight with the foot a bit and then calmly took her shoe off for her. Then that was it they were moments later back to laughing and enjoying themselves.

Now most would see this and assume the woman in the chair is just a bitch but really all of us who require some help from time to time have experienced this. I know my poor mom can attest to that. It isn't because we are mean or bitter (well in some cases). It is because the frustration of not being able to do such a simple task (whatever it may be) can become so overwhelming that it just bursts out at whoever is closest. And unfortunately 9 times out of 10 it is directed at the person who just wants to help. I can't tell you how many times my mom has been just trying to help with a transfer or put my clothes on where I end up losing my mind on her because I am so angry with needing the help in the first place. I have learned over the years how to control the snapping much better than in the beginning but I will say there are still moments of weakness. But more importantly I have learned to recognize why I am snapping and promptly apologize for my words to whoever was the victim. 

My point for all of this is to take a second to say thank you to all who are care givers. You play a very special roll in someone's life, whether they know it or not. Plus we as recipients of the care rarely take the time to say Thank you because although we love you/appreciate the help I know we would all prefer to not need the help. So it is hard to realize all the hard work the care giver is doing because we are working so hard just to live. Also to maybe help someone who is new to the care giving scene to know that sometimes your patients may be mean but it isn't you  it is the internal struggle they are fighting with. Most will eventually calm down and be nicer.... maybe/hopefully.