As some may know this tomorrow will mark the 6 year anniversary of the car accident and Saturday will be the anniversary of Charlie's death. I had originally planned on writing a blog the day of but I made a decision this year to not allow myself to shut the world off, like I do, and do something that day. So I will be busy but I still want to post on the feelings that seem to take over me this time of year. It feels like it starts almost a week before the anniversary. I just become sad, usually I can't pin point it to anything , just sad. Then come the tears, oh Lord I can cry so easily the days before. Like my cat could look at me funny and I would sob. It seems like no matter how prepared I feel about the days to come, they still get me. Not to mention I begin to think 6 (or however long it has been) years ago right now I could still walk or 6 years ago right now I still had my best friend here. I believe these thoughts are what make the days a little more difficult. I know that throughout the year I always have sad moments but these days are different, these days carry unbearable pain with them. It is so hard to think about the battle I had to embark on because of the events on these days.
For some reason I thought this year would be different since I made a choice to stay active but I think they will be just as tough and I know this week has been pretty horrible. I have had all the normal nightmares night after night of losing the ones I love or being abandoned by them. The type of nightmares that you wake up feeling bad and that ominous feeling carries with you all day. I still have hope the days will be okay because this year I am trying to celebrate the life that I have now and the life that Charlie led. Even though it was short it is still inspiring. I am sure those days I will feel the pain of my hole in my heart but still have a smile to know I can finally say after 6 years I am a survivor and no longer fighting to survive. And for that I have to thank that red headed angel who has never left my side.
Okay I have to go do some crying now.. not bad crying but good crying.
Stevie, You are a true inspiration everyday. You have lived through more difficulties and struggles the past 6 years than most of us have to endure are entire lives. You are an amazing young woman and should be proud of what all you have accomplished. We, your friends and loved ones will continue to support you and cheer you on. Go Stevie Go!
ReplyDeletestay strong stevie. God will get you through anything. He has carried you through it all. Lean onto him. He'll never leave you.
ReplyDeleteI am sure it will be a hard week for you, Stevie. I will be thinking of you, saying some prayers and thanking God I have had the opportunity to know you.
ReplyDeleteKeep that beautiful smile on your face! :)
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